This year is different.  All the celebration of the past is not possible right now.  A virus has captivated our attention, blocked our movements, upended our lives.

Almost 31 years ago, just before I became a mother for the first time, I remember that feeling of uncertainty about what tomorrow would bring.  At that time it was due to a severe case of depression, as my life was a complete mess. I was 9 months pregnant, alone, suicidal, and couldn’t see beyond whatever day it was.

Unless you live under a rock, you probably heard about the jury verdict involving Harvey Weinstein.  Journalist Sady Doyle said it best when she wrote that his conviction is dedicated to all of us that never stopped fighting.  Personally, I could feel the universal sigh of relief, fists raised in the air, bra burning warrior yells.  But this isn’t about feminism, this is about JUSTICE.  It is about finally being heard, about being understood, and about being vindicated.

When we are called to a higher purpose, do we answer that calling?  Do we know the message when it comes, or is it a blurry in our minds like a dream?  Does it frighten, or excite us?  Does it have consequences or rewards?  Do we go through with it regardless of the possible outcomes?

We have all had a conversation with an uncomfortable silence.  Most of us have been in uncomfortable situations.  Stress is uncomfortable.  Love can be uncomfortable at times.  Change is uncomfortable, even when it is a good thing.

In the spirit of the season, I will tell you what I am most thankful for.  I am thankful for my ability to speak my mind.  I am thankful that I live in a country that allows me to say whatever I need to say, whenever I need to say it, both with my voice and with my written words.  I am thankful that my husband loves me enough to listen and my children have learned to recognize what I am saying between the lines.

I am a manic depressive.

This week I received an unsolicited phone call from a publishing company.  It only piqued my interest because the caller ID had the name of the firm, instead of Unknown.  I wasn’t able to take the call at the time, so I called them back the next day.  The conversation lasted for about 30 minutes.  There was a lot of flattery, and tons of buttering up.  I knew right away it was a scam, but I was very curious how far they would take it.  Thankfully, I did my research before picking up the phone, so at least I knew what I was getting in to.  The number has been blocked now, so that they can’t contact me again.  Please, if you are a writer, don’t fall for all the glamor and flattery.  These people prey on our hopes and dreams and will do anything to convince us they are legit.  Unfortunately, they are very far from it.  A traditional publisher will NOT reach out to you directly.  That is why we keep a shoe box full of our rejection letters…. What you will read below is how the conversation played out.

I recently had the sheer displeasure of saying No when I really wanted to, but hated doing so, and kind of didn’t want to, but needed to.  This feels like such an oxymoron.